Spinning Insanity
I live in a twisted world of shadowed deception and perfectly untrustworthy people. Everyday is a struggle to find my way getting tanglled in the vines of the real world. I am at the place when days of being a kid are over and the life of a mom and worhty adult begin. The path changes and the road dead ends but the wisdom of parents and friends keep my head strong and my body moving. Doing all that I can to make my little slice of earth a better place. I have been trapped by worthless souls that use and dispose. Never finding anything worth putting trust in. breaking myself for the life of another, coming dangerously close to the edge of sanity at times. Then in seeing that beautiful face that never leaves my mind, a wave of hope and thoughts of a better day wash over my soul. God has blessed my broken road and I thank him for everything that he has let me experience . I don’t know what this hatefull world has to offer but I cant wait to find out
Road To Love
She walked down a dark and lonely path. Her sun kissed cheeks wet with the remembrance of tears. Her eyes showed the pain that poured from her young heart. She walked alone in the silence trying to find her place, her nirvana. The path was long and felt so cold deprived of any emotional warmth. She walked for such a long time, she thought the pain and cold would never end. Suddenly she saw a boy at the end of the tunnel calling her name. His sweet voice instantly warmed the tunnel. She began to run to him as fast as she could. Faster and faster she ran to the boy and the warmth and the light he brought to the depressing place. She saw his face and flew into his arms somehow knowing he could make all the pain go away. He held her in his strong arms and watched the pain dissolve from her eyes. In that instant she knew all the pain was gone and she was safe. He stayed by her side and watched his new found love break free from the shell that condemned her to pain.
You Found Me
I have walked along for what seems like a lifetime looking for a love destined to be mine…searching heaven and earth for the one I could call my white knight…being captured along the way by strangers that know of only broken love…grasping to hold on to the edge of that path…dangling between the depths of a heart exploding with unhappiness and the sweet release of a love worth looking for…just when the thought of falling seemed like bliss a hand grasped mine pulling me from the almost certain extinction of happiness…that touch coaxing me upward filled my heart my life with never ending happiness…that man on the other end of that saving hand was you…
From Heaven To Hell
I wake up everyday trying to hide from the demons of my past. Disguising myself as anything but me. Living a lie to make myself believe my escape was real. Constantly running yet never seeming to get very far. Trapped by insecurities, false hope and evil minds. I feel like an angel that fell from heaven, falling faster straight to hell. I’m in what seems like an eternal fight to regain faith and rebuild my shattered trust. Every footstep getting me closer to where I want to be is being erased by my own demons. I find myself weary of life and love. My damaged heart can take no more. I sit on my burning stoop waiting on that one to melt my heart and turn my betray filled past to ashes in the wind. The one to hold my hand and make me see that through the smoke good can happen. That love can be real…when I find him he will be my savior from my hell and I will never let him go.
March 24th 2011
Last night at 12:30 I was bored so I decided to check Facebook before I went to bed. As I was trolling Facebook I came upon a post from a long time friend of mine. She was paying respects to a friend of hers that had passed away that evening. I recognized the name BJ and my heart began to sink. I asked her who exactly she was talking about but I got no answer…I kept getting a sinking feeling and I was starting to freak out. I grabbed my phone and started calling my best friend BJ…He didn’t answer…I was shaking trying to keep my head together. I knew I was about to get devastating news. I knew the second he didn’t answer that it was him. After about 10 minutes of pure hell my worries were confirmed. His ex commented leaving only his last name. At that moment I fell apart…my husband and i sat there crying and trying to comfort each other. I didn’t fall asleep that night until 4am. All day today I have seen his face in my head and heard his laughter. He was into some really bad things and I was one of very few people that didn’t walk away from him because i knew he was a good person at heart. For the past two years I ragged him about getting off drugs and to stop doing things that would get him put in jail. He finally started listening to me about five months ago and quit doing bad things, still doing drugs from time to time and got a job that he held until his death. He was my best friend and I was his rock. He always called me when he was upset and I always calmed down and thinking clearly. I am so upset that he didn’t call me that day…he called his ex but she didn’t answer. She and I both feel guilty or whatever the right term is that we couldn’t help him. We fell like if given an opportunity maybe we could have saved his life. He leaves behind a sweet little boy. =[ Well 3 little boys if you count mine. No they weren’t actually his kids but he called me his wifey and said that my kids were his kids they were just white on the outside and black on the inside…I will always giggle when I think about that. He told me all the time that he loved me but I never took it the way he really meant. My friend told me today that he always told her that he truly loved me and that he would of done anything to be with me. I never took it that way…the only comfort I have about that is every time he called to check on me or I him we always ended the conversation “I love you boo”. Those were my last words to him. I hope that in some way that gave him peace. On Thursday afternoon Bobby “BJ” Brazelton took his own life and left our world for heaven.
He thought if he died that nobody would cry, miss him or come to his funeral.
Clyde,
Just so you know…A part of me loved you, I have cried over you, I will miss you everyday for the rest of my life and I will be there when you are laid to rest. Always loved, never ever forgotten.
Love Bonnie
All I See Is Me…
Today I stepped outside myself taking a long look inside. I see the pain of failed relationships and the undying love for my little boy. I see the doubt in finding true love and the eagerness to find my one and only, the shy side I hide behind and also the wild side I play by, the fight for life and the fear of death, the strive to succeed and the determination not to fail at anything. I see a true friend and a loving mom, a person anyone can talk to and a giver of good advice. I see an honest heart and gullible thought, a lover and yet still a fighter…I see the good the bad and all that’s in between….all I see is me
BrassKnucklePoetry 